Disclaimer: I’m about to be brutally honest with all of you people who read my blog. If you are in a REALLY fantastic mood you probably shouldn’t read this. I’m grumpy so this post may not be your favorite. You’ve been warned. Seriously.
My surgery was exactly three weeks ago. It feels like a lifetime ago that I was in training and active. I’m incredibly frustrated with how slow I am healing and am feeling discouraged. I consider myself a very independent person and this whole “I’moncrutchesandcan’twalkordoanythingformyself” thing is killing me. Call me a drama queen but I feel like a completely different person that I did when I went in for my surgery on January 25. I like to do things on my own and don’t typically like to ask people for help. For example– if I can’t reach something on the top shelf and there is a taller person next to me who can reach it, I won’t ask for help. I’ll figure out another way to get it. Even if it requires me crawling on top of a counter. (I guess this can also be attributed to me being a very stubborn person.) Not being able to do anything on my own makes me grumpy.
So to fill you in here is a list of things I can and cannot do as of today.
Things I can do:
- Go to work.
- Watch TV. (UGH)
- Read. (This was going well until I decided to start reading books on running and triathlon training. Now I’m just annoyed.)
Things I can’t do:
- Swim, Bike, OR Run (Just kill me now.)
- Grocery shop for myself. Or shop in general.
- Go out with friends.
There you have it. Can’t do much. I feel like I’m not the funnest person to be around right now so I kind of distanced myself from everyone and everything until I’m back up on my feet. My apologies if you have seen me in the past 3 weeks. (I probably wasn’t very nice or acting like my normal self.)
This whole experience has put one thing in perspective for me. I am incredibly lucky to have a prosthetic. I know there are a lot of people out there that can’t afford them and being on crutches for the past three weeks has made me realize how difficult that would be. I never really put much thought into the fact that every morning I put on my leg, walked to get my coffee, walked around while I was getting ready, walked down the stairs to get into my car, walked from the parking garage to my office, got up from my desk every once in a while to walk to get a coffee/water/snack, walked at my lunch break, walked back to my car to leave, worked out, walked up the stairs to my apartment, then took off my leg before bed (probably walked to get groceries or to dinner somewhere in there). I wouldn’t be able to do the majority of this without a prosthetic.
Other things- I feel awkward and uncomfortable when I am out in public and am not able to wear my leg. In fact, at work on Monday a doctoral student saw me crutching to the bathroom and said, “Jeesh it looks like you cut off your foot under there!” Yes. That is exactly what I did. I just decided to cut off my foot. I found it insensitive and rude. Sure, she probably didn’t know. But it hit me hard. I went into the bathroom and cried a little (YEP. I guess I’m not so tough after all.)
Anyway, that was my attempt at being open and honest about this whole process. It’s annoying and frustrating and I feel like a slug since I can’t really workout.